Thoughts on Tony Snow

I've been pretty depressed the last few days. Over the past few months I think my attitude has been really positive, but things have been tougher this week. I think it started when I found out about Tony Snow. He always seemed so positive and upbeat regarding his battle with colon cancer and his passing hit me hard. I have a ton of respect for Tony and truly admire who he was. Today is the ceremony celebrating his life and my prayers go to his family.

Most Internet sites show 12-18 month survival rate for stage IV colon cancer is pretty typical. I have had myself convinced that those statistics do not take into account today's more advanced treatments, but Tony's survival time is consistent with the 12-18 months. I have this strong temptation to question my own belief that I can survive this and I am trying with all my might to squash that temptation.

I have read that Tony actually died from an infection in his lungs. I can see why the oncologists are always so concerned about white-blood cell counts as it is obvious these infections can be very dangerous if the body's immunity is crippled. Last spring I was hospitalized for neutropenic colitis which is an infection of the colon that is often fatal. Fortunately, I was able to recover from that and continue treatment.

The thought of death does not terrify me like it used to. Everyone moves on, it is just a matter of when it happens. As Tony has said, faith takes on a whole new meaning when one walks through the valley of the shadow of death. Faith becomes everything and the promise of ever lasting life becomes a cradle of solace.

Thanks to my friends and family, the quality of my life has been exceptional and even if things do not go well for me over the next few years, I would not trade it for a lesser one that happens to be twice as long. The thing that upsets me the most is the thought of Sydney and Josh not having a Dad and Jackie not having a husband. God has placed me in charge of raising those kids and I pray that I am not taken home until that duty is finished.

The best I can do is continue to fight this with every resource and bit of strength God gives me. We must continue to be analytical and proactive and we must continue to take on a fighting spirit. God has given me sharp claws and I plan on using them.